july 4, 2007 : steve : 5 comment(s)
I caught a showing of Transformers with Vito yesterday. I have to say: I hate you Michael Bay. Whatever this "version" of Transformers you put together is not Transformers at all. Optimus Prime with lips and flames? WTF man? All you Michael Bay fanboys: Go away, don't comment, if you comment, it will be deleted.
Instead of me doing a rewrite of what is wrong about Michael Bay, let me quote from my "The Island" review, since it all still holds true for Transformers -- then I'll go into some Transformers details.
- Super-gloss: Everything in the movie is shot like a commercial. From the slow motion to the overly lit scenes to the washed out cinematography to the over-the-top action that makes no sense. This is a glossy two hours and sixteen minute commercial.
- Long running time: Michael Bay movies, as dumb as they are, show some genius in the action sequences. Too bad that 90 minute movie is always padded with another 60 minutes of talking and “character development”. Bay could not direct a drama scene to save his life, he needs to learn that. And when he does learn that he really can direct, he can then start making the movies that he is supposed to be making: 90-minute long B-grade direct-to-DVD action flicks.
- The uncontrollable editing and cinematography: Please Michael, wake up to the reality that you are only talented at shooting action scenes. And even then your “kinetic” editing ruins most of those scenes because no one can see what is happening between the extreme close-ups, shaking camera, and 1-second cuts during the action shots. The mixture of those three bad habits are enough to make people seasick!
- Louder is not better: Everything in a Bay film is loud. Even when walking through aisles, you can hear a loud “whoosh” sound. Please Michael: Louder is not better. After watching a Bay film in the theatres, you will have lost some hearing due to the extreme (there is that word again) volumes during all of the film.
I had the same complaints in my Bad Boys II review also. Bay has not changed a bit and he has taken all of his bad habits and infused them into Transformers. In Transformers, he also inserts his seemingly unending fetish of the US Military. Transformers is nothing but a two hour and twenty minute commercial for:
- GM cars. Bubble Bee, who was a VW bug is not a Camaro. What a joke. All the other nameless Autobots are also a GM car. It is really sad.
- Ebay. Ebay must have paid a boatload of money to have their brand so prominently featured in the film. After the twentieth "Ebay" muttered by the characters, I was starting to tune out the brand all together.
- The US "Hoo-Rah" Military. Bay has explicitly said that this is "a film designed for 9- to 15-year-olds." And as such, it is a pretty blatant way of recruiting for the US Military. The US Military is featured in the film in all their "hoo-rah, we'll kick anyone's ass with our big guns" way. Bleh. To imagine, parents are going to be shelling out $10 per kid to watch this US Military recruiting tool.
- Panasonic. Yay, did you know Panasonic made SD cards? I do now.
- Apple. Of course, Apple gets their computers into all sorts of movies and TV shows. It didn't surprise me to see the big white Apple logo on-screen in Transformers.
- Did I mention GM?
Bay has also run out original imagery ideas. There were three things that stuck out in Transformers for me. The guy running silhouetted against a bright foreground and frantically waving a flare. The Rock anyone? The two young heroes of the film, girl laying on top of boy, on a hill, silhouetted against a golden sunset and kissing. Armageddon anyone? Then the standard Bay crap. Two helicopters flying into frame then peeling off. This is Bay's version of John Woo's doves.
The story for Transformers was not terrible, considering that it is a summer flick. It does become unnecessarily convoluted and the opening hour of the film is terribly slow -- the only saving grace for the opening hour is the charisma of the lead, Shia LeBeouf.
The last 45-minutes or so of the movie is the typical Michael Bay action sequence. It features big robots battling in a city. It features gorgeous special effects. It features loud explosions. And it is a complete excitement void! I was bored during the last 45 minutes of the film. Why? More is not more. Michael Bay has not learned that. Just because you shove more explosions into a sequence, doesn't mean that it will increase the excitement or tension. Just because you squeeze in a few more special effects shots in, doesn't mean that it will make the moment more magical. And, on top of that, it does not help that the actual Transformers were not fleshed out.
The movie should have been named "Boy, Girl and His Robot Friends". Because naming it "Transformers" is a huge misrepresentation. The Transformer robots are there only to do battle, not to be the center or heart of the movie. How better than to give an example of how badly under-developed the Transformers are. In one sequence, a Decepticon rips an Autobot in half. Did I care that an Autobot was ripped in half? Nope, didn't even know who it was. Did I despise the Decepticon that did it? Nope, didn't even know who it was. And that shows the shallowness of Michael Bay and the writer of Transformers. They only used Transformers for the super-glossy action sequences, not as characters. Therefore, the audience really does not develop any emotional attachment to the robots. And when there is no emotional attachment from the audience, there is not thrill to the action because anyone could be ripped in two and the audience would not care.
Live Free or Die Hard did a wonderful job with getting us into the action and getting us to care for the characters. And that is why Live Free or Die Hard generated so much excitement, tension, and thrill.
It is not like my review will deter people from going to see Transformers. And I am willing to guess that Transformers will rake in a lot of money -- which in turn will give Bay even more credibility in Hollywood. That is very unfortunate because Michael Bay is still what he started off being: A director of commercials. He can make things look great, but other than that he is all superficial. There is no depth to his direction and no depth to the films he makes. Yes, you can argue that this is fine for summer flicks, but really, is it? When something like Live Free or Die Hard comes out and shows us that an action film does not have to be stupid, then I think it is not OK. I hate you Michael Bay, I really do.
"Transformers", skip, skip, skip this movie.
Comments
Veronica and Sebastian really liked the movie, but then Vero also thought that War of the World was great.
As for me, I hated the quick cuts and out of focus action shots.. Bumble Bee as a Camaro... only would have been a VW if some corporate money had changed hands.
I saw the lips on a preview a month ago and it did not seem as weird as I thought.
I am still glad I saw the movie... I have watched Transformers from when I was 19 or so...( A really long time ago), so I am a fan and a fun way to spend from 11PM on a Tuesday night.. Probably will rent when it comes out on DVD but probably will not buy it.
It would have been great if really good director had been in charge who would have treated this as a movie instead of some big budget commercial.
Aaron Figueroa
July 4, 2007 @ 03:35 PM
i fell asleep the last 30 min.
grant
July 5, 2007 @ 01:50 PM
Now I'm glad I went and saw Die Hard instead.
July 7, 2007 @ 10:47 PM
Transformer's special effects will blow anyone away. Who cares what the story is about. The special effects alone is worth every penny. I'm glad I choose Transformer over any summer movie. All kids gotta see this movie or they will miss out. No movie has ever come close to this movie's special effects. Easily the year's best special effects movie. Wrapped the dust with 300.
Anthony
July 16, 2007 @ 01:21 AM
So, Anthony, did you like anything substantial about the film?
July 23, 2007 @ 01:44 PM