Knight Rider

So, I was kind of wary going into the Knight Rider movie last night. Knight Rider was one of those shows that I loved as a kid. As a naive kid 25 years ago, everything in the show was cool. A lot of the stuff in the show did not make sense (I will come to this later), but as a kid it was just cool: The Hoff with his thumbs up, KITT the talking car, etc. The return of Knight Rider is reminiscent of the return of Battlestar Galactica. I wasn't a fan of the original Battlestar Galactica, but I am a huge fan of the current BSG. Why? Because the new show chose to reimagine the universe of BSG. The new BSG chose to bring BSG into the future -- not make a direct sequel and try to hang onto all the old stuff. Unfortunately, the people behind the new Knight Rider chose to hang onto the old and not bring it forward. Sure, the timeline in the show is now. The characters have all moved on. But, the show is basically a direct sequel to what happened in the 80s version of Knight Rider -- I am guessing that it is because the producers and writers felt that they had to appease the old fans. And this route they took, instead of reimagining the show, was an unfortunate choice. The whole show was an advertisement for Ford vehicles. If we lived in the world that the new KITT lives in, everyone would be driving some sort of Ford vehicle. How unfortunate for all of us. Yes, the show really did make the Shelby GT500 KR look nice -- but after the fiftieth time of seeing the Cobra logo, or the spoiler, or the low profile tires, or the car flying past the camera, it all wore thin: We get the idea, Ford sponsored the movie, now move on. The new KITT (Val Kilmer) is about the best actor in the whole show -- and that isn't saying much cause he's just a car. The rest of the cast was terrible. The "new" Michael is horrible. Deanna Russo is horrible. Sydney Poitier is horrible. Bruce Davidson is just there collecting a paycheck. The worst of the actors is Greg Ellis who is the head baddie in the film. His emotional range is limited to one emotion: Mad. His facial expression is limited to one expression: Scowl. The man was a walking robot throughout the film. There was no acting in this movie. The script for the film was just as bad. Plot holes abound -- and some strange way of explaining the new Michael. There are "twists" that could be seen for miles away (Gee! Is "old" Michael going to show up?  Holy crap!  Are you telling me that was a body double?  What a minute, that dude was working for the baddies?  No way!) So, instead of reimagining, the producers felt they needed to keep all the silliness of the 80s in the show. Here're somethings that really bugged me:

• Although super-cool for the 80s kids, why the hell does KITT have that red LED flashing thing in the hood? What is the purpose other than getting Michael noticed when he's driving down the street. In the movie, the lights served as nothing except for automobile bling. They might as well put neon glow tubes on the underside of KITT to go for that "The Fast and the Furious" look.
• KITT is the ultimate self-sustaining supercar that can get almost 200mpg. Except that he's really not self-sustaining -- he still needs a human to put gas in him. If you are going to recreate KITT, create him with a frigging fuel cell that doesn't ever have to be replaced. Sheesh, you've created some crazy nano-tech shielding for KITT -- how much more of a stretch is it to give him a "forever" fuel cell?
• The nano-tech doesn't work without KITT-the-computer being on. So, when KITT-the-computer is off and is shot at, a window breaks. But, when Michael rams an SUV with KITT (and KITT-the-computer is off), the body panels don't sustain any damage. Sheesh.
• Why build a supercomputer into a supercar? If there is a war, will KITT be on the front lines? For that matter, why build a supercomputer into a supercar and not put guns on the car? Sure, KITT says he's programmed to not kill if not necessary -- but come on, we want guns dammit! While we're on this "super" thing: Why not build KITT the supercomputer into a super-Hummer? A Hummer that can run things over? Oh, that would have been more cool.
• Driving down the Las Vegas strip in a hot looking supercar with a blingy red LED thing in the hood, that'll get everyone's attention --  then there's a chick in the passenger seat and no one driving and no one on the strip notices!
• Why is it that KITT can change his exterior to be less "noticed" by people... and then revert back to the blingy LED sporting car? Why not just keep all the changes under-the-hood and put KITT-the-computer into like...a Mini Cooper, or beat up 1980s Toyota Corolla?  Would that not be a better way of being stealthy?  Would bad guys not be alarmed if they saw a bad-ass black Shelby GT500 KR with a red LED strip on its hood?  Wouldn't it be better if you snuck up on baddies in say a less conspicuous, more ordinary Toyota Camry?  Or Honda Accord?  All the same nano-tech plating, none of the "Hey bad guys, look!  Here I come!"